How to Help Your Preschooler Wait Like a Pro
Over a lifetime, the average human spends six months waiting in line. Waiting, as frustrating as it can be, is a fact of life. For a young child, waiting is just pure agony! Of course when a preschooler isn’t happy, most people around aren’t too thrilled.
Children, even young toddlers, can be taught how to wait patiently during ‘short waits’
Helping your child wait looks different depending on the amount of time you’ll be waiting. Short waits are those little ‘every day’ waiting periods. We have ample short wait opportunities during daily activities and routines. It’s a short wait when your child is waiting for you to finish a conversation with another person. It’s a short wait when you’re putting lunch on a plate and placing it on the table. It’s a short wait when you’re tying a child’s shoes before they run off to play (seriously, I will never be able to tie shoes fast enough for a child!).
Because short waits are exactly that - short - you don’t need a bag of toys or to engage in some additional activity while you wait. All you need is for a few minutes of peace to finish what you were trying to accomplish in the first place. Luckily, that peace is possible. Imagine, being able to go to the bathroom while your child waits!
“Waiting is a skill and yet we expect children to develop this skill instantaneously, without practice”
Four Strategies for Short Waiting Periods:
1. Celebrate your own waiting
Waiting is an abstract concept . To help children understand what waiting is, they need to both see it and also know that it is occurring. When you’re waiting for something, use your words to highlight that you are waiting. As you wait, tell your child, “I’m waiting for ______”. When you’re stopped at a red light notice, “I’m waiting for the light to turn green”. When the light changes, share that the waiting is over, “The light is green, I can go. I’m done waiting.”
2. Add a ‘wait card’
They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. Having a picture helps to add some concreteness to the idea of ‘waiting’. A timer could certainly be used, but timers tend to be bulkier to carry around while a laminated wait card can easily be kept in a back pocket. Also, with a timer, it’s vital that the period of waiting take no longer than the amount of sand in the timer.
First introduce the ‘wait card’ while highlighting your own waiting periods. This provides a model for what the card means. Having a wait card lets your child know that you have not forgotten about their request. You’re working on it and just need a little extra time to get it finished.
When it’s time for your child to wait, you can give them the ‘wait card’ while explaining that right now they are waiting. For example, “I’m finishing up your lunch, I need you to wait. Here’s your ‘wait card’, I’ll come let you know when the wait is over and lunch is ready”.
Download your free wait visuals (two options and two sizes!)
3. Practice makes perfect
At first, it can seem silly to practice waiting. However, waiting is a skill and we know that skills improve with practice - so why shouldn’t we practice waiting? We also know that knowing what we are doing and having advance warning that we’re practicing a new or tricky skill helps us to prepare and to stay calm. Nothing is a surprise. Start by identifying that you’re going to practice waiting. You can do this during any daily routines or play activity. Below is an example of what it might look like to practice waiting while getting dressed.
Adult: While getting dressed this morning, we’re going to practice waiting. Waiting is when we want something but it takes a little time before we get it. We’re going to take turns asking for pieces of clothing. Before we get what we ask for, we’re going to wait. I’ve brought our waiting card to help us remember we’re waiting. We can sing a song to fill our waiting time. Our waiting will be over when our song is finished.
Lay the items of clothing out that you’re going to use.
Adult: I’ll ask for something first. Your job is to first sing Twinkle Twinkle before giving me what I ask for. While you’re singing, I’ll be waiting.
Adult: “Can I have your socks?” + holding the wait card
Child: *sings song* and gives the socks
Adult: I waited for you to give me the socks. Waiting can be tricky, I reminded myself that you didn’t forget about me. You were just doing something else so I had to wait. Now it’s your turn, what do you want to put on next?
Child: I want my shirtAdult: “Okay, you’ll have to wait” + give wait card. Adult sings some song or hums a tune
If singing a whole song is too long, start with shorter time chunks. Over time, you can make waiting more realistic by removing some of the structure and extra activities. You can also vary the waiting time by no longer singing a song. Not knowing exactly how long you will be waiting is more challenging but also more realistic. Remember, we’re only practicing ‘short waits’.
4. Read books about waiting
Reading books about waiting not only allows a child to see how others wait (some more successfully than others!) but they also offer additional opportunities to talk about waiting. While reading stories centered on waiting/patience, notice how the characters are feeling. Is waiting easy for them? If waiting is hard, discuss what might make things easier. Encourage your child to explain some of the strategies you have been using and modeling. When characters have a harder time waiting, take the opportunity to notice how it makes others in the story feel. Some of our favorite waiting books are listed below:
Waiting is Not Easy!, by Mo Willems
In this story, Gerald learns that Piggie has a surprise for him. The catch is that Gerald must wait. Waiting is not easy. In true Mo Willems fashion, the interactions, emotions, and reactions between Gerald and Piggie are humorous and engaging.
The Very Impatient Caterpillar, by Ross Burach
Changing from a caterpillar to a butterfly is quite the process and for one impatient caterpillar, he’s just not sure he can wait that long! The pictures and characters in this book are engaging and humorous. Your child will also have many opportunities to tell the impatient caterpillar “no!” (always a favorite!).
Llama Llama Red Pajama, by Anna Dewdney
Lovable Llama Llama is going to bed when he decides he wants a glass of water. After calling out for Mama Llama, he has to wait. This story gives adults a glimpse into how a child might feel when their request isn’t fulfilled in a timely manner. Considering alternative points of view helps with building empathy and initiating discussions.
What are you waiting for? Download your own, free, wait visuals and get started helping your child become a pro at waiting!